Of this and that…

It is 4 AM. I stare out at the heavy red fluffy clouds through the iron gills in my lawn. It’s windy and trees ruffle noisily. The clouds, both heavy and light, simultaneously, flit on the skyscape.

The wind smells like it will rain. There is a kind of stillness even in the ruffling trees. I feel for my heart. Thoughts – of people here and elsewhere; Memories – of people here and elsewhere. Should I make some coffee? Is there milk? Thank god, there is. Let me kill my time making coffee. My mind’s restless. Could it be because of the full-moon? People have known to behave crazily during full-moon days. Like restless waves.

Am I breathing? How do I escape the deluge? Coffee? Why am I not moving towards the kitchen? It will rain soon. I must remember to blink my eyes. Ouph, the burdens of this body! And, is it the ant on my wrist? It’s moving towards my shoulder. Sudden frantic bursts of movements of a scared being. It feels threatened perhaps by the pulse and machinery of the body. Will it bite me? Should I do something about this ant? I think I should. Where’s my hand? Where’s my hand? In place. Smug. Unmoving.

Pitter patter rain drops. One on my hand. Other on my cheek. More drops follow. All over. Do I smell coffee? Or is it in my head? What will she be doing now? Did I just kill the ant? Is it my hand? Is this me?